Henry Cavill: Last Night's Dream
Last night I dreamt I was video chatting with Henry Cavill and we were getting to know each other. We clearly had a rapport and had been chatting for a bit as he was friendly and we were casually laughing. It’s important to know that he was shirtless and lathering on body oil while explaining his specific “body oil regimen” used before shooting films. Apparently, this was a hot Hollywood secret many people used, which was very intensive and involved different types of oils on different days to achieve the look they were going for.
We were making plans to hang out, which seemed like a normal occurrence, and he apologized that it was going to be a hard day for me because that was the day he did the special “Shea + Pepperoni Oil” and the blend of that with his natural skin scent made for a very intoxicating smell that was irresistible. I felt confident that this man slathered in pepperoni oil would not be the part of the hangout that would drive me nuts but he insisted I should be prepared.
We decided to meet for a tour of the tallest buildings in New York City, we would be sitting in a crusty old rollercoaster car from one of those touring carnivals that look like death traps and have a tour guide so things wouldn’t get out of hand (you know, with the pepperoni oil).
At one point I decided I wanted to get out of the trolley and walk to the edge of this building where there was a railing — it was terrifying and when I got back in the car there was another girl who had joined the tour and I felt a little weird about it because I didn’t know her and I was suddenly worried about the pepperoni oil situation, but she was friendly enough so we continued.
Then, suddenly, I woke up (in the dream) in a hotel room with a warm body on my back and a hand beside my face I did not recognize. Apparently, my mind decided to skip over the good part (thanks a lot brain) and here I was in bed with a naked Henry Cavill after a fun night of apparently just sleeping. Right.
Then I looked up and the room was filled with rows of chairs and people sitting and watching us, but it didn’t feel super weird for some reason. I looked at him and he smiled and said, “I just wanted to make sure you felt like you made the right choice and I thought I’d give you some other options if you wanted to test drive anyone else (yes he said test drive).”
There were many attractive people, so I chose like six and invited them to join us for breakfast, but what I really wanted was to kick everyone out and have some alone time with Henry because, you know, HENRY CAVILL.
Then I woke up in the real world so I don’t even know if I got to have a fun time with Henry or the other people…but at least I now know about the celebrity pepperoni oil regimen, which seems important.