There's More Than a Wall Between Us

You called me

Needed me, wanted me

Then panicked and ran

A three-hour adrenaline-filled spree that ended in the best night of sleep I’ve had in months

Taking every ounce of of desire I had and draining me in the most amazing way

Bottomless potential

Waking up was not what I wanted

I can’t do this anymore

I want to, I just can’t 

But WHY?

One checkmark

It sits there like a giant door that has been shut and locked

There is only one handle, and it’s on the other side

I miss the two checks, watching them turn from grey to blue

Imagining your eyes lighting up as you read my words

The excitement of seeing the phrase

TYPING…

It’s been four days

I continue to send you messages

I know you aren’t here anymore but I really want to distract you

I’m alone 

Staring at the ceiling in the dark

I’m going to pretend you are watching me

Hiding in the background trying to be silent but struggling to resist

Participating and touching your gorgeous self

If I close my eyes and submerge myself in that visual 

Imagining you whispering in my ear

I can live here and take it with me into the blackness of sleep

In my dreams, we don’t talk

You just look at me

The intensity of what you want to do to me

History of what you have

Pure intoxication

It isn’t a blue checkmark

The excitement of my phone vibrating with your calls

But it’s all I have

You were here and now you’re not