This Is Us Thawed My Cold Dead Heart During Covid

My new Covid-19 fam

I went from accepting to overeating to angry … downright angry

Homeschooling

A puppy

Constant cleaning

A day job that is like a bad 90’s sitcom

Health challenges

Fear of covid

People that never seem to leave, because they don’t 

I binged all the murder shows I could get my hands on … listened to every single Dateline podcast and then became obsessed with federal lands and missing people and fell into a rabbit hole of laws, ordinances, and the world’s neglect of our indigenous lives 

My mother-in-law got sick, my husband left to care for her, and the stress turned me into a monster

So I went back to This Is Us, which I hadn’t watched since the second season

Not because I didn’t love it, but because life got in the way

I cried, a lot 

There was something cathartic about the tears, about the sticky sweetness of the relationships and the brutal moments that grab at your heart and make you look inwards 

Plus Sterling K. Brown and Milo Ventimiglia … but don’t get me started on that

I found inspiration in the fearlessness

Compassion in the imperfection of the relationships

Was invigorated by the reminder of life outside the four walls I have clung to for the last nine months …  and maybe the next six to eight? 

I decided to cut myself a break

I gave myself permission to be frustrated

Indulge in short walks in the sunlight 

Listen to podcasts or audiobooks

Do nothing

I think sometimes we need a reminder that being human is hard

People aren’t perfect

And no matter how much I feel like I’m alone and useless

I’m not

Neither are you

Things are hard, but that doesn’t mean we can’t crush them

But maybe a nap first?