Senate Masks + A Not-So-Anonymous Meeting
Oh, hey guys, I’m just, you know, taking a little walk in the airport for no reason at all …
“Hi, my name is Lone Star, but most of you probably know me as Ted Cruz’s mask.”
“Welcome, Lone Star, this is a safe space.”
“This is my first time at a meeting, but I feel like this week was a low point. Of all the masks he could have chosen to wear while speaking to the press in Mexico, he wore me.”
“Yes, we all saw that.”
“I’ve always been proud of my state, I mean when I was first printed and placed inside the plastic bag, I had dreams of gripping Mathew McConaughey’s chiseled jaw, or Beyonce’s lovely smooth cheeks. So you can imagine my horror when I was pulled from the mailer and met with…I’m sorry, sniff sniff, it’s just so upsetting.”
“Take all the time you need, here’s a tissue.”
“Thank you. I just never thought I’d be responsible for containing the foul breath of the devil himself from the American people. I mean, if I had a dollar for every time he didn’t even pull me up over his nose I could buy my own ticket to Cancun.”
“It must be very hard.”
“It is. Can I confess something? I’ve never even been washed. He just sticks me in his pocket with whatever bacon crumbs or Cherry Chapstick he’s using that day, then pops me on anytime he sees a camera. I once spent an entire meal sitting next to Trump’s dinner plate. I’m pretty sure I’m single handedly responsible for at least one super spreader event.”
“Oh my, that goes against our life’s purpose. How are you coping?”
“Once, I fell out of his pocket on the steps of the capitol building, and for a brief moment I had the sweet smell of freedom blowing through my fibers. I saw AOC in the distance and wished she would rescue me, even if it meant burning me and throwing me in the trash on her Tickety Tock channel.”
“Well, we are all glad you are still here.”
“Thank you for listening, I appreciate it. I have a feeling I’m in for a busy few days here in Mexico, unless he stupidly decides to buy a horribly offensive local mask to wear for the next interview.”
“We appreciate you sharing, we all have our struggles but yours seems especially challenging. Let’s all join hands and say the serenity statement to close out. Kamala, grant me the serenity to accept the senators I cannot change, the courage to contain droplets I can, and the wisdom to know the difference between science and opinion…”