Cuban Rain : Something Lost, Something Found

dark clouds, moving quickly

rain dripping from the leaves of the plants on the roof

abstract paintings on the walls

doors to the other rooms

the table i am sitting at 

my delightful cocktail, made for me by the handsome bartender

sounds of raindrops on the cement

someone singing along to the radio in the distance

the clattering of dishes being washed

someone walking up the metal stairs to the roof

the air conditioner unit to my room whirring away

cars driving through the wet streets, honking

sweat dripping over my entire body from the humidity

the tangy flavor of the cocktail

the feel of my pen and notebook in my hands as i stare off into space 

i can smell the rain, the freshness of the plants around me adding to the scent

in the kitchen they are making ropa vieja and coffee and it makes my mouth water

This was the day I realized I could not live without romance in my life. Without beauty, without lusciousness, without a richness of experiences. I no longer wanted to exist without the scent of flowers, the sounds of pattering rain and singing, the sensation of sticky skin and sweaty pits. 

It was here, in this place, that the ideas flowed. I didn’t feel lost, I didn’t regret the things I wasn’t doing or the person I hadn’t become, I just felt whole. 

I lost a little of the girl who constantly needed approval and support, the girl who craved love from people who didn’t want to give it to her. 

I embraced my love of cocktails, sleeping, and air conditioning. I accepted I was not perfect and being stupid and having superficial goals and passions was not the ultimate tragedy. 

I lost the voice inside me that said I had to be productive every minute of every day. That simply walking the streets and having light-hearted conversations in Spanish about certain American politicians were more enjoyable in this place. 

I lost the desire to suppress myself. I wanted to be free, to be the kind of woman who dances in the streets with frizzy hair like a troll doll and laughed with abandon and said things wrong and made people giggle with my terrible Español. 

I replaced someone who only dreams with someone who is more comfortable with dreaming out loud.