A Conversation on Consent
CONSENT [ kuhn-sent ]
verb
to permit, approve, or agree; comply or yield (often followed by to or an infinitive):
He consented to the proposal. We asked her permission, and she consented.
noun
permission, approval, or agreement; sanction; acquiescence:
He gave his consent to the marriage.
agreement in sentiment, opinion, a course of action, etc.:
By common consent he was appointed official delegate.
Side note : why are the dictionary examples above about men? That is all. As you were.
I did not open my email this morning thinking I was going to take time out of my day to think about and watch a powerful conversation on consent. I do, however, always open emails from the Joyful Heart Foundation and therefore knew this would be an important way to spend an hour.
I, like many humans, believe consent is a crucial item to discuss with children, and loved Mark Herzlich’s thoughts on teaching your children about consent before they can even speak. I feel strongly that we need to completely change the way we talk to children about sex and relationships, and focus on topics that aren’t just “the birds and the bees.” Consent, intimacy, communication and respect are such an integral part of relationships, and most children never have a trusted adult who sit them down and lay it out. More importantly, and adult that models these types of relationships and speaks about them with vulnerability and transparency.
The very personal way the woman in this discussion (Tanya Selvaratnam, Kathryn Gallagher, Debbie Millman, and Roxanne Gay) speak about consent, interpersonal relationships, and the nuances of how consent is depicted in media is invaluable. Normalizing these conversations, and including male voices as part of the discussion, is an important step in moving forward.
There is a lot to consider, and much to learn for all of us. If you are like me and find yourself thinking, “What can I DO” after a panel like this, there are a million resources out there to help you. A good first step is to visit the End The Backlog site and send a few tweets, write to your congressperson or representative, and commit to being an advocate : https://www.endthebacklog.org/take-action/advocate
I would also like to encourage anyone and everyone to watch this simplified (and entertaining) explanation of consent. I heard about this video from a good friend who showed this to her teenage son in a talk about consent and it’s pretty fantastic :
If you need help, or if this conversation brings up thoughts or feelings, please reach out for help. Someone is waiting to speak with you and offer you the support you need and deserve. You are never alone.
