An Awaited Response ...

FINALLY - a response to Daniella’s initial message …

Daniella - 

I’m sorry it has taken me so long to write back. Coming home was strange, a bizarre combination of joy and relief to be in my space, in my routine. I think I dove back into the mundane, everyday reality to keep myself distracted. To avoid the reality that I am the guy who did what I did and I can’t take it back. I’m not saying I regretted it, but I now live with a sense of unrest wrapped in an enormous amount of guilt. What’s funny is that I can’t figure out if I feel more unsettled by what I did to her, or what I did to you. 

As you said, you were fine before me. Strangely enough, I thought I was too. But now I look around my apartment, eat cereal across the table from her, stare at our commingling toothbrushes and wonder what the right thing to do is. 

I miss you. I would be lying if I said I didn’t. 

When I saw you for the first time I thought I was going to choke on my beer. Something inside me woke up, and now I can’t seem to get it to go back into hibernation. 

Life is weird. 

By the way, I just booked a job in LA next month. Do you want to see me? Is that a good idea? 

Ugh. Everything was so much simpler within the four walls of your hotel room. I miss the little bottles of whiskey and the way you laughed at my jokes. The sparkle in your eye when you looked at me was everything. I hope you’ll want to see me again. 

— Mateo