The Opposite Person
Mood.
I have now discovered the person who is my opposite.
When I say opposite I don’t mean nemesis or rival.
I mean contrary or radically different in nature.
When I was told a story about this human I was at a loss for words.
I paused, tilted my head, and simply said, “I have so many questions.”
Now if you don’t know me, this will really help you understand who I am NOT.
You’re welcome.
A friend was telling a group of us about a 20+ day organized hiking trip “experience” he took with a group.
Part of this “fun” hike, was to go up to approximately 12,000 feet in the mountains of New Mexico.
In the summer.
Over 100 degrees.
I’ll remind you this was “for fun.”
As part of the adventure, each camper was to leave their pack behind, take a tarp, and head out for a solo 24 hours in the middle of steaming hot nowhere.
My first (of many) questions was, “Did you eat snakes?” and was soon followed with “You had a book, right?”
To which he replied, “No, I did not. But my friend was smart and brought a tiny notebook so he could do math.”
I was silent, something that never happens. Ever.
“Math?” I asked.
“Yes,” he replied, taking a bite of his fajitas.
“So he had a tarp, no food, but a notebook so he could do math?”
“That’s right,” my friend smiled.
“I don’t understand,” was all I could say.
“It really increased the weight of his pack, but he was glad to have it. I was a little jealous.”
“Of the math?”
“Well, of the notebook,” he replied.
I imagined myself in this scenario:
Hiking in frying pan hot heat to high elevations
Carrying everything I’d need for almost a month in a tiny backpack
Someone handing me a tarp and saying “Good luck!”
Me not crying as I waltzed off into the wilderness filled with predators and poisonous things
Finally settling in as I chomp on half a weird calorie bar from my pocket and thinking to myself “Well, at least I can do math!”
If you ever see me in any of these scenarios please call my emergency contact, move me to a shady location (preferably with a beach), and bring me an iced chai with oat milk.
IMMEDIATELY.
I apologize in advance for how salty I will be, just know it’s not personal.
(Also kudos to people who do this, it just shouldn’t ever be me).
UPDATE: After I wrote this I watched an episode of Jeopardy with the category “MATHSTERS” and realized there must be more of them…