I am so tired.

I haven’t slept for four days.

No matter what I take or how I approach it, I can’t sleep.

I feel numb, like my brain has oozed out the side of my head and gone on vacation.

I’m sitting at my desk, a blank doc with a blinking cursor taunting me.

The kid next door is screaming like he fell into a hole with a tiger and broke both legs.

It’s 12:24 and I just realized I forgot to eat breakfast.

Will food help? Maybe. Probably not.

My dog has a cold and woke up at 4 am coughing and needed to go out.

It was so quiet, so still, so dark.

I waited for him to return and within moments he was snoring away while I stared at the ceiling fan.

I always think about getting in my car and going somewhere, but where?

I’m exhausted. My bed is cozy and the little dog at my feet snuggled in so sweetly.

I think about the world.

That thing I said.

All the times I could have been better, done more.

I wonder who, at that exact moment, is doing the same thing.

Sprinkled all over Los Angeles we lie awake, alone.

Maybe there should be a hotline, an anonymous group chat for insomniacs who aren’t creeps or weirdos.

No, I don’t want to see photos of your junk @robodick6969.

I want to talk about oppression and delicious snacks.

Maybe books and tv shows.

I just stared into nothingness for an indefinite period of time while writing this.

Am I asleep or awake?

I want someone to bring me gluten-free donuts and a spicy chile mocha.

We can sit on the beach and stare at the waves together, our exhaustion a bond that keeps us close.

Next time I’ll text you and hope you don’t answer.

That you are asleep and have won the battle.

The next night you will do the same for me.

Maybe that is the key.

The comfort we need in the wee hours of the misty morn.

Or maybe I just need a better sleeping pill.