Come Ride On Me, I Mean Camaraderie

Sabrina Carpenter’s new Netflix Special, A Nonsense Christmas, is going to be AMAZING and yes, probably sexy. Hide your children…or don’t.

There are women who enjoy sex and sing songs about it. I realize this upsets people who want to be able to take their children everywhere and have life catered to their personal sensibilities, but artists (women specifically) like Sabrina Carpenter do not bend to your will.

If you listen to Sabrina’s album, Short and Sweet, you very quickly realize this is a fun pop romp about sex and relationships. The third and fourth lines of the first song on the album are "You're wonderin' why half his clothes went missin', my body's where they're at.” Now, could this just be a song about borrowing a friend’s clothes? Sure. Is it? No.

On her current tour, Sabrina dances around in lingerie and simulates sexual acts on stage. If you spend 30 seconds researching her show before buying tickets, you can gauge if the aesthetic and vibe fit with what you are teaching your 10-year-old child. Perhaps you aren’t ready to have conversations about sex positivity with your kids yet, and that is completely fine. In these cases, maybe don’t take them to a show where they will be screaming lyrics like “How you pick me up, pull ‘em down, turn me ‘round” while dressed up as an animated princess.

When my children were younger I knew I wanted to raise them to be sexually empowered and able to navigate the bizarre and hyper-sexual world we live in as well as humanly possible. I read books like “Girls and Sex” by Peggy Orenstein, and yes I let my kids listen to Rihanna, Lady Gaga, and Britney Spears. Did we have conversations that would make most people hide under a table? Yes, yes we did. Is that part of my job as a parent? Also, yes.

Interestingly enough, by choosing to not only be an unashamed sex-positive person myself but one who encouraged my children to listen to their intuition and continually educate themselves, I was opening myself up to be judged by other parents. As a grown-up, I am able to accept the idea that I am not everyone’s cup of tea, and therefore survived the backlash. Much to these parents’s disappointment, it also strengthened my resolve to raise my children with even more resiliency in this department.

The thing we need to be discussing is not whether or not sex education is right, or if overly-infantilized blonde women like Taylor Swift and Sabrina Carpenter should be “allowed” to shake their gorgeous selves on stage in fun body-hugging costumes. What we need to look at is why society is determined to divide women into the age-old categories of virgins and sluts.

Recently I was chatting with a male friend who expressed his belief that there are “women you date and women you sleep with.” After about five minutes of discussing why this is an antiquated and patriarchal way to oversimplify female sexuality, he looked at me and said, “Damn, I’m part of the problem. I thought I was a feminist.”

It’s one thing for toxically masculine men to decide that women should be one thing or another, as the education needed on that one is layered, time-consuming, and deep. Yet it is an entirely different matter when women shame each other for their personal, consensual, adult decisions. Imagine if we respected each other for our individual choices and supported one another unconditionally through our youth, dating, marriage, and children. Many aspects of modern society would be much more enjoyable and equitable if we could all look at each other and say, “You do you, babe.”

Does this mean everyone should listen to pop music and take their kids to concerts or theatrical events where activities are occurring which are not in alignment with their morals or values? Absolutely not. If there was an exhibition of nude photography or sexually suggestive paintings and you weren’t ready for your children to experience this, you simply would not attend. In the same vein, if you have issues with how Sabrina Carpenter presents herself on her tour, you should probably skip it.

I wish I could say keeping your kids away from pop music would spare them the horrors of the world, but sadly, it won’t. All it will do is isolate them and remove a small percentage of fun and the ability to connect with peers through music from their lives. Again, if this is of great concern to you, please stay in line with what works for your values. I won’t shame you for shielding them if you don’t crucify me for taking my kids to see Katy Perry, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande, and Janelle Monet when they were young (all of which were super fun and amazing btw).

Existing is hard enough, let’s not fight over pop songs or the women who sing them anymore, please. Let’s all sing, “Whole package, babe, I like the way you fit. God bless your dad's genetics,” in harmony while dancing around the kitchen with our kids. It’ll be fun, I promise.

Sabrina’s new Netflix Special, A Nonsense Christmas, hits the app tonight! Enjoy!